my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
