So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
