oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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