You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
