Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
