they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
