Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Just cropdusted the office
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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