Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
