I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
