I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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