I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
