He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
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