Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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