You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We left the knife in your bed.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
