garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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