Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Come on in and take your pants off
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