Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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