True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
