I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I still have a little drunk in my system
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
