her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Randomize
