There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
