Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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