As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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