You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
The ass gains better be worth it
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