If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
