i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
