She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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