Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
