somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize