good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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