made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
