I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
