Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
