THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
