She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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