Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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