the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
