I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i came on her dog
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
