I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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