I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Don't make out with my wife yet
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
