Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
