I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
