Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
