is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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