smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
