She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
