like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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