Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
