I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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