Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
