Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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