I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
