Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
