Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
