this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
