You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I need moral support for this bender
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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