literally had 100 drinks last night.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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