No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
