I am puke
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
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