do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
