I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
