your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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