I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
