hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
