oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
