Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
