Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
