Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
