What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
