I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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