i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
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