I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
