your parents love me but you hate me
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
When did angry sex become our thing?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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