I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
