"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
