i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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