I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
