i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
