You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
